Learning to walk in peace…

2012-11-25_1353855165 Its been over 3 weeks since I last wrote on here.  I have been meaning to write but never gotten round to it.  I wont lie I have found the last few weeks very challenging, there have been many emotional outbursts that only my hubby has witnessed.  I still feel a sense of loss and sadness about the embryos that where lost.  There are days I wake up and feel anxious as I remember where I am in my life, in my journey to be a mother.  Patience is tested, along with my faith and I fight the battle of doubts and fears, which often come in to my mind.  The one thing I do know is that I love God, I believe in his love and power in my life.  So as much as my soul can waiver my spirit is filled with the love of God. All I have to do is keep reminding myself that I am not alone. His light far outshines the darkness. I have made more of a conscious habit to meditate on his word. I find that I must start my day this way or my day tends to go off in the wrong direction and then my emotions take over.

Thats the beauty of faith, you don’t need masses of it, you just have to believe… my hope makes me hang on to my dreams, and I allow myself to renew my mind with love and beautiful promises.

One of the promises of God that I mediate on daily is that he gives me his peace. God knows how much we need peace of mind.  I don’t have to ask him for it, as he has given it to me, my spirit at one with his. I draw on that promise and it helps me enjoy my day, remain thankful, and know that I am blessed.


Using my imagination and having visions again….

15008bd4b8811eec6ba530e2398ce762 Its Day 22, everyday my mind is on this IVF treatment, facing the emotions and feelings that come with it.  Everyday I have to renew my mind daily with the word and promises of god.  I am overwhelmed and touched by the women I have met on this journey and those I have known already who continue to inspire me and remind me that we all have battles to face. It pushes me to be strong, to lean and rely on my faith… My awesome God!

Many beautiful women out there, who like myself, dream dreams of love, family, and hope for them to come true.  One of the things that I feel God is putting strongly on my heart is to use my imagination again.

I was always the daydreamer, in my teens, I indulged in daydreaming… after school I would come home, grab a book, always a fictional novel, always full of romance and passion.  I would read chapters, and then close my eyes and daydream… Imagining I was that character, the heroine in the book, that I had met the man of my dreams, that we fell madly in love… and then the love created a family… a family of my own… I honestly spent more time daydreaming in my teens than anything else.  I would recreate those visions in sketches, paintings… and always hope that as I fell asleep at night that I once again I would be taken on a journey of yet more beautiful dreams at night…

So as of today, I am making a conscious effort to daydream again, to use my imagination, to visualise my self pregnant, going through the pregnancy and giving birth to my babies.. my gifts from God.  I have been afraid to daydream. For so many years, have I been constantly disappointed, and listened to the negative thoughts in my head, that I have failed, that I am not complete, that I won’t be a mother.  The dreams became nightmares…

I know for a fact that my negative thoughts are damaging, that I must fill my mind and speak into my life the power and truth of love! I will daydream , and fill my imagination with love, love  and more love!! God is love… This is what I BELIEVE… anything is possible if you believe!!!!  I Believe…. x