2015 The Journey Continues…

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I have not written in ages, and felt that it was time to update and share where I am at in this journey and what has been going on.

Firstly the picture I have posted was taken by the wonderful photographer Sarah Monrose, we where shooting for a jewellery brand called Rivaalka. At the time this was taken I had just had my frozen embryo transfer and was waiting patiently for my two precious embryos to stick, to stay with me… I always feel the most beautiful and peaceful when that life of D and I together is in me. During that shoot in my spirit and thoughts where focused on them, on the dream, on love. I kept believing was knowing in my heart that I am a mother.

For those of you who know this journey you know what it is like to lose them, you know my pain and heartache. Each time I  had to say goodbye and know that they are with God.

Hubby and I decided that we would take a break from fertility treatment after that lsat round, I wanted to enjoy some time that was free from meds, and hormones, and the horrid progesterone needles!! We could have sometime to try naturally and enjoy ourselves and each other again.

December turned out to be an amazing month, I saw my beautiful little sister get married. The wedding was the most beautiful and enjoyable wedding I have ever been to! Then my entire family (that means everyone! aunties, uncles, cousins,babies and best friends)  travelled to Sri Lanka for xmas and New year. Hubby and I had one of the best holidays ever. So grateful for it, the memories I will treasure forever.

So here we are and 2015 is underway! The time off treatment has been good for us. Hubby as always is my rock, and the one who comforts me and encourages me to never stop believing. I have focused on getting fit again, and the last 5 weeks I have trained hard, pushed myself and achieved the goals I set in fitness. The bonus of fitness is that a healthy mindset also is nurtured, you need the balance, I need that balance!!

Of course my mind never stops thinking about having babies, and after this much needed break we have decided to get back into treatment. This week I had a consultation with my doctor and we made a plan. I am excited and feeling positive.  We have 2 frozen embryos still waiting. Injections will be starting soon, if my womb is ready we will continue on an artificial cycle like last time. If my doctor sees any problems with Adenomyosis and Endometriosis I will be booked in for further surgery before proceeding with the transfer.

Right now I am taking my time to keep my mind right, in line with my heart, and the promises of God in which I believe in.  I have a big birthday coming up, and I feel like I am finally settling into my true self, that God is guiding me into my true purpose. I will be a mother. With god there is always a way. He completes me.

I will always stay believing…

Post Surgery

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Its been a while since I posted. I filled up my time after losing my embryos with plenty of training, work and enjoying my time.  Knowing that I had been told that my womb would need corrective surgery and that I had to have as more endometriosis dealt with, meant I was back to the waiting game, and this baby making journey had more hurdles to jump!

I absolutely loved my training time, I had 4 weeks before the surgery date to regain some strength after nearly 8 weeks off due to my IVF cycle.  I challenged myself and tried new things like pilates, and more indoor track training (sled suicides, burpee suicides, weighted lunges!) Managed to drop about 5lbs of fat in the process which I wanted as I knew I would be sedentary again after the operation.

The surgery date came around quickly. I was a little nervous as I knew how I would feel after a laparoscopy but no idea how the Hysteroscopy and corrective surgery would go.  I woke up and was in quite a lot of pain, and drifted in and out of sleep, thinking how much I just wanted to see hubby and go home.  My doctor came to discuss my surgery and explained how he had found that I also had a tube that was blocked and a very scarred ovary from endometriosis. He also wanted to book me in for an MRI scan to look deeper into my womb as he had noticed what he described as a heavy enlarged womb. He also continued to say that with all that he was doing and a little further to go ( another surgery), that we can get closer to getting me pregnant!

In all honesty as I am further into this journey with many obstacles, I am able to let go of worries quicker.  I do get impatient, I do have emotional outbursts, and feel sad at times… The key to all this, the thing that makes me able to keep going, to hang on to my dream, is my faith in God.  I speak to him, share my heart with him.  I will not fear, only BELIEVE….

 

 

Day 3

I have a very tender feeling womb today, not sure if it is the endometriosis or the hormones.  Feeling very uncomfortable right now. Spent the day hanging out with the lovely Miss JJ, we had green smoothies and my left over butternut squash and chickpea curry. I love to feed friends my home cooked food! I stopped by to see my coach and training partners at the GymBox. I was hoping I would be getting some walking in, but I did not feel like it. Tired. Still was lovely to see them all. My usual Tuesday training would be from 3.30 to 5 pm intense leg specific training, then from 6 – 8pm double Bartendaz classes at the Gymbox!!!  I am so gonna miss my training. I train hard and love the feeling I get from it. Doctors orders are gentle walks only for now…

Injection was quick and painful. Hubby is tired, I am tired so off to bed now.

A quick notice I will be moving this version of my blog to www.ibelieveForever.com hopefully by tomorrow. So those of you who have so kindly followed me on www.iBelieveForever.wordpess.com please note the change. I look forward to settling there and getting into this blog world!

IVF day 3

 

My First IVF Injections

Its Day 2! after finishing my first post last night, I had my first Injection of Buserelin. Was actually quite a funny experience. I wanted my hubby to do it, he was not with me when the nurse gave me a very brief “how to do your jabs tutorial!”, so I was there trying to explain to him what I could vaguely remember, my wonderful housemate made sure she had read all the instructions (why do men avoid reading the instruction leaflets???)  I then started to feel myself getting nervous, and queasy at the thought of the Buserelin being injected, she started getting very blunt and in her lovely Polish accent started commanding me to stop looking at what they where doing and for hubby to “Stab me quickly with it!!”  It was over with quickly, think we where all relieved and happy with our team work!!  I actually found it ok, my leg felt odd for a while, a little itchy.

I woke up this morning to my hubby telling me how much he loved me, always the best feeling to hear him say that, cause I know his love is unconditional. We prayed together, we really have been making an effort to spend more time in prayer, to put God first, always a great start to the day.

I felt quite tired this morning, not my usual self.  I would normally be up and ready for my HITT training, and have the energy to train again with my Bartendaz crew.  I just pottered about a little, did house work and made sure I had my green smoothie! Those of you who know me will know that a green smoothie every morning without fail has been my breakfast for nearly 3 years now. I will post more about green smoothies and the benefits I have had from them,  I can’t emphasise enough that everyone should have a green smoothie in the morning, make it their daily habit. Your body will love you for it, and you will feel amazing! As soon as I had my green smoothie I felt good, and made my way into the west end for a meeting and a casting. Both went really well.. Lots of exciting things in the pipeline.

Came home, cooked hubby some free range chicken and rice with plenty of veg!, he too has to eat well and be in  the best health, doctors orders and mine!! lol I had my dinner, (am following a vegan based diet while I am on IVF treatment). After dinner it was time for my injection, still felt nervous and hubby was very confident with it today, he told me to kiss him while he did the jab :) I really felt the injection today, was painful and stung so much. Not looking forward to the next one, thank god it is over with quickly!

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I have finally started my blog and this is my first post!!!  Its taken me a while, I am excited and emotional cause today is the day I start my IVF treatment, its a special day. Its nearly 8pm which is the time I will be having my first injection. I have spent all day trying to figure out how to set my blog up, its been a slow process, not something I know much about. As much as I love sharing my journey on my Instagram account Nalintha_lala, blogging has been on my mind and am excited to have finally started to do it. I have so much more to share!!

I have spent years silently suffering from the stress and emotions of not being able to conceive, not even my family have known. I recently  plucked up the courage to tell them that I have been undergoing investigations by my doctor and specialist into why my hubby and I have not been able to conceive. Even though I have strong faith, I am a believer who believes in the best,   I have struggled with the disappointments and of never falling pregnant. My ever loving and supportive hubby has always told me he loves me no matter what, that I am all that he needs and with me he is content. I really do love him so much. We have been through a lot ,11 years together has had its ups and downs yet we have overcome and become stronger.

Have always known deep down that being a wife and mother is where my heart and passion lies. I love being a wife and long to be a mother. I adore children, and have longed for my own babies for years.

December last year I was finally told a laparoscopy would help my doctors know in which direction I should go as it was looking like assisted conception was needed. The laparoscopy revealed that I have endometriosis and had I subsequently had some surgery for.  So here I am today about to start my IVF cycle. IVF treatment is the best way to help me get pregnant due to the endometriosis which has prevented me from getting pregnant.

I am so grateful for the love and support of my family and friends. Above all I always put my trust in God as he is who I always lean and rely on. I have my peace of mind with my faith and this journey is only possible for me, with him…

Day 1 of IVF