Post Surgery

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Its been a while since I posted. I filled up my time after losing my embryos with plenty of training, work and enjoying my time.  Knowing that I had been told that my womb would need corrective surgery and that I had to have as more endometriosis dealt with, meant I was back to the waiting game, and this baby making journey had more hurdles to jump!

I absolutely loved my training time, I had 4 weeks before the surgery date to regain some strength after nearly 8 weeks off due to my IVF cycle.  I challenged myself and tried new things like pilates, and more indoor track training (sled suicides, burpee suicides, weighted lunges!) Managed to drop about 5lbs of fat in the process which I wanted as I knew I would be sedentary again after the operation.

The surgery date came around quickly. I was a little nervous as I knew how I would feel after a laparoscopy but no idea how the Hysteroscopy and corrective surgery would go.  I woke up and was in quite a lot of pain, and drifted in and out of sleep, thinking how much I just wanted to see hubby and go home.  My doctor came to discuss my surgery and explained how he had found that I also had a tube that was blocked and a very scarred ovary from endometriosis. He also wanted to book me in for an MRI scan to look deeper into my womb as he had noticed what he described as a heavy enlarged womb. He also continued to say that with all that he was doing and a little further to go ( another surgery), that we can get closer to getting me pregnant!

In all honesty as I am further into this journey with many obstacles, I am able to let go of worries quicker.  I do get impatient, I do have emotional outbursts, and feel sad at times… The key to all this, the thing that makes me able to keep going, to hang on to my dream, is my faith in God.  I speak to him, share my heart with him.  I will not fear, only BELIEVE….

 

 

Using my imagination and having visions again….

15008bd4b8811eec6ba530e2398ce762 Its Day 22, everyday my mind is on this IVF treatment, facing the emotions and feelings that come with it.  Everyday I have to renew my mind daily with the word and promises of god.  I am overwhelmed and touched by the women I have met on this journey and those I have known already who continue to inspire me and remind me that we all have battles to face. It pushes me to be strong, to lean and rely on my faith… My awesome God!

Many beautiful women out there, who like myself, dream dreams of love, family, and hope for them to come true.  One of the things that I feel God is putting strongly on my heart is to use my imagination again.

I was always the daydreamer, in my teens, I indulged in daydreaming… after school I would come home, grab a book, always a fictional novel, always full of romance and passion.  I would read chapters, and then close my eyes and daydream… Imagining I was that character, the heroine in the book, that I had met the man of my dreams, that we fell madly in love… and then the love created a family… a family of my own… I honestly spent more time daydreaming in my teens than anything else.  I would recreate those visions in sketches, paintings… and always hope that as I fell asleep at night that I once again I would be taken on a journey of yet more beautiful dreams at night…

So as of today, I am making a conscious effort to daydream again, to use my imagination, to visualise my self pregnant, going through the pregnancy and giving birth to my babies.. my gifts from God.  I have been afraid to daydream. For so many years, have I been constantly disappointed, and listened to the negative thoughts in my head, that I have failed, that I am not complete, that I won’t be a mother.  The dreams became nightmares…

I know for a fact that my negative thoughts are damaging, that I must fill my mind and speak into my life the power and truth of love! I will daydream , and fill my imagination with love, love  and more love!! God is love… This is what I BELIEVE… anything is possible if you believe!!!!  I Believe…. x