Using my imagination and having visions again….

15008bd4b8811eec6ba530e2398ce762 Its Day 22, everyday my mind is on this IVF treatment, facing the emotions and feelings that come with it.  Everyday I have to renew my mind daily with the word and promises of god.  I am overwhelmed and touched by the women I have met on this journey and those I have known already who continue to inspire me and remind me that we all have battles to face. It pushes me to be strong, to lean and rely on my faith… My awesome God!

Many beautiful women out there, who like myself, dream dreams of love, family, and hope for them to come true.  One of the things that I feel God is putting strongly on my heart is to use my imagination again.

I was always the daydreamer, in my teens, I indulged in daydreaming… after school I would come home, grab a book, always a fictional novel, always full of romance and passion.  I would read chapters, and then close my eyes and daydream… Imagining I was that character, the heroine in the book, that I had met the man of my dreams, that we fell madly in love… and then the love created a family… a family of my own… I honestly spent more time daydreaming in my teens than anything else.  I would recreate those visions in sketches, paintings… and always hope that as I fell asleep at night that I once again I would be taken on a journey of yet more beautiful dreams at night…

So as of today, I am making a conscious effort to daydream again, to use my imagination, to visualise my self pregnant, going through the pregnancy and giving birth to my babies.. my gifts from God.  I have been afraid to daydream. For so many years, have I been constantly disappointed, and listened to the negative thoughts in my head, that I have failed, that I am not complete, that I won’t be a mother.  The dreams became nightmares…

I know for a fact that my negative thoughts are damaging, that I must fill my mind and speak into my life the power and truth of love! I will daydream , and fill my imagination with love, love  and more love!! God is love… This is what I BELIEVE… anything is possible if you believe!!!!  I Believe…. x

 

Green Smoothies Every Day…

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I have been drinking Green Smoothies daily for over 3 years.  I was introduced to smoothies when I travelled to LA, where a friend of mine gave me a book on the benefits of drinking smoothies.  I had already been into juicing somewhat, but I was not a great fan of juicing, due to the fact that cleaning the juicer was tedious, the juices where never filling, and generally I found that the green juices I made where not pleasant to drink.  Green smoothies however are filling, quick to make, easy to clean up after, and actually taste great! (The fruit you add will cut through the green taste.)

The health benefits of  green smoothies are endless.  Blending a variety of greens with some fruits, will start the breakdown and release of a vast array of nutrients, vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. You also have the added benefit of consuming all the available fibre, which is vital for colon and bowel health.  Your digestive system will love green smoothies, it is easily digested, and all the foods nutrients are readily available for your bodies needs. You will therefore find that you have lots of energy, as your digestive system is not having to work hard.

I find that starting my day with a Green smoothie is so satisfying, I wake up craving a green smoothie! Green smoothies will give you beauty from within.  You will have clearer skin, strong, glossy hair and nails that are strong and grow fast. Managing your weight will also become easier as you are more likely to become more aware of your bodies health and have the desire to continue your day with better food choices.

I recommend a green smoothie everyday to everyone, and I mean everyone!  Its a life changing habit. Your health is precious and this is an easy way to start your own personal health and wellbeing journey.

If you are new to Green Smoothies the recipe bellow should be a good start. As you become more used to the taste of green smoothies, make sure you try other leafy greens such as  kale, swiss chard, lettuce, cavolo nero, its good to change and rotate the greens that you use. Like wise with fruit, be adventurous and adapt the recipe below to suite your palate. You could add also try adding some herbs such as parsley and coriander if you like the taste!

INGREDIENTS:

250 ml of either a Non Dairy Milk or Coconut Water (you can use water if you like)

1 medium very ripe banana (using frozen banana helps with the texture and keep smoothie cold)

2 sticks of celery

3 large handfuls of spinach

1  small apple

1 Pear

Juice of 1/2 a lime

Mint leaves

DIRECTIONS: Blend until smooth! Enjoy!!!

 

Day 10 IVF

Day 10, the injections have been fine, Hubby has become quite the expert, at quick and loving jabs!!! So far I can’t even bring myself to try and do it to myself, not sure if I will…

I had a late show at work last week and had to ask another model friend to do it for me, turns out she had recently been giving regular injections to a loved one who was having treatment for cancer. We chatted about each others lives and had a good catch up.  She reminded me of the strength that we possess in trails and that we must remain grateful and humour was indeed the best medicine!

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London is so beautiful in the sunshine!! How blessed we have been the last few days with some much needed sunshine and warmer weather.  I made myself get some exercise today, went for a gentle walk with hubby.  Hope this weather lasts…

Love is…

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I often hear women say  “he did not love me enough!!”  There are many questions of why? and  many conclusions to why their relationship is not working.

We all know that relationships are never perfect, that the initial heightened emotions and feelings of a brand new relationship cannot be sustained daily, that time will add all sorts of  feelings to a relationship. Its not all about the butterflies and passion…

I have come to realise that love has no measure. Love truly is unconditional. After 11 years together  along with its many storms, heartaches, our love has had its trails and tests! Only through honest communication, compassion, forgiveness, patience, kindness and a desire to never let the other go, have we come to understand what love is…

Love is a decision that we have made to do. Its an action, an ongoing work . A commitment to each other that we will stay together through it all, because in our hearts, with all the emotions and feelings aside, we know that we can’t live without each other, we want to spend the rest of lives together. ” To Infinity and beyond “… (my niece Willow is watching Toy Story while I write this !!! )

 

Work, Rest and Play

My model career is something I am very grateful for, being a commercial model, means my  work is never hard, sometimes I have to work very long hours, or I may be away from home and family for a while if I am booked on a job abroad.

Most people have an impression that modelling is very glamorous, that we are stuck up or that we are leading the ‘America’s Next Top Model’ kinda life!!  I can confirm that modelling is far from glamorous!! Waking up at 6am after 4 hrs sleep, having worked 10 plus hours the day before, for live QVC shows.  Working 15 hr bookings, or shooting clothing catalogues outdoors in the winter but in summer clothing. Having your make up taken on and off repeatedly in the same day (a very sore face!),  smiling so much, again a sore face!, and being so tired that you are nodding off live on air!! Endless castings, often with very random and strange auditions requests… the list goes on!!

What I have experienced in my 22 years of modelling has made me the furthest thing from being stuck up! I am very humbled and blessed to have my model/actress life. It has given me me finical independence. At the age of 17 I paid my own way through art college, studying at the amazing Central St Martins College of art and design to attain a degree in Interior Architecture. I have travelled the world, seen beautiful places, and experienced many wonderful cultures. Have had the most amazing experiences on shoots, met wonderful and talented people in this industry.  Every job is unique and never boring!

I have grown in confidence as a woman. I have learned to accept my self, to not be discouraged or feel insecure. Every job that I book is a blessing and for that I am always thankful.

It takes a team to make a job happen and everyone deserves the same respect and kindness, from the runners and makeup artist’s assistants to the head honcho!!

We all have lives beyond what the camera shoots and captures… There is a story behind every face!

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Fully Loaded Pizza to feed my soul…

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I have been getting up later than usual, just feel like hibernating at the moment, getting a little emotional, and my lovely hubby is patiently dealing with it all. Its still early days of Buserelin being in my system. I am not feeling like my usual self. So I am keeping myself busy and am enjoying being at home, using this time to learn more, read books, and work on recipes to share with you all.

I have cut out all meat and dairy products to help ease the symptoms and effects of endometriosis.  It has been going well so far as I am really enjoying eating like this.  I am craving fruit and vegetables so much more.  Having to come up with delicious ways to eat vegan food and to find alternatives to replace dairy and eggs  is actually a very satisfying and tasty adventure!

For lunch today I made a delicious and easy, nutrition packed, vegan pizza.

 

Fully Loaded Pizza

Lightly grill some gluten free flatbread, I used Warburton’s.

Grill some aubergine slices which have been lightly brushed with coconut oil. Sauté some mushrooms and leeks in a little coconut oil.

Spread about 2 Tbsp of vegan pesto onto the flatbread (I love a brand called Zest available at  Planet Organic which is delicious!) and top with some sliced tomatoes, put back under the grill for a couple of mins.

Then assemble the rest of the pizza by adding the grilled aubergines, mushrooms and leeks, add some thinly sliced red onion and put back under the grill for a couple more mins.  Add some chilli flakes , nutritional yeast and pink himalayan sea salt to taste.

Try it! easy, filling and yummy!!

 

 

 

 

Day 3

I have a very tender feeling womb today, not sure if it is the endometriosis or the hormones.  Feeling very uncomfortable right now. Spent the day hanging out with the lovely Miss JJ, we had green smoothies and my left over butternut squash and chickpea curry. I love to feed friends my home cooked food! I stopped by to see my coach and training partners at the GymBox. I was hoping I would be getting some walking in, but I did not feel like it. Tired. Still was lovely to see them all. My usual Tuesday training would be from 3.30 to 5 pm intense leg specific training, then from 6 – 8pm double Bartendaz classes at the Gymbox!!!  I am so gonna miss my training. I train hard and love the feeling I get from it. Doctors orders are gentle walks only for now…

Injection was quick and painful. Hubby is tired, I am tired so off to bed now.

A quick notice I will be moving this version of my blog to www.ibelieveForever.com hopefully by tomorrow. So those of you who have so kindly followed me on www.iBelieveForever.wordpess.com please note the change. I look forward to settling there and getting into this blog world!

IVF day 3

 

My First IVF Injections

Its Day 2! after finishing my first post last night, I had my first Injection of Buserelin. Was actually quite a funny experience. I wanted my hubby to do it, he was not with me when the nurse gave me a very brief “how to do your jabs tutorial!”, so I was there trying to explain to him what I could vaguely remember, my wonderful housemate made sure she had read all the instructions (why do men avoid reading the instruction leaflets???)  I then started to feel myself getting nervous, and queasy at the thought of the Buserelin being injected, she started getting very blunt and in her lovely Polish accent started commanding me to stop looking at what they where doing and for hubby to “Stab me quickly with it!!”  It was over with quickly, think we where all relieved and happy with our team work!!  I actually found it ok, my leg felt odd for a while, a little itchy.

I woke up this morning to my hubby telling me how much he loved me, always the best feeling to hear him say that, cause I know his love is unconditional. We prayed together, we really have been making an effort to spend more time in prayer, to put God first, always a great start to the day.

I felt quite tired this morning, not my usual self.  I would normally be up and ready for my HITT training, and have the energy to train again with my Bartendaz crew.  I just pottered about a little, did house work and made sure I had my green smoothie! Those of you who know me will know that a green smoothie every morning without fail has been my breakfast for nearly 3 years now. I will post more about green smoothies and the benefits I have had from them,  I can’t emphasise enough that everyone should have a green smoothie in the morning, make it their daily habit. Your body will love you for it, and you will feel amazing! As soon as I had my green smoothie I felt good, and made my way into the west end for a meeting and a casting. Both went really well.. Lots of exciting things in the pipeline.

Came home, cooked hubby some free range chicken and rice with plenty of veg!, he too has to eat well and be in  the best health, doctors orders and mine!! lol I had my dinner, (am following a vegan based diet while I am on IVF treatment). After dinner it was time for my injection, still felt nervous and hubby was very confident with it today, he told me to kiss him while he did the jab :) I really felt the injection today, was painful and stung so much. Not looking forward to the next one, thank god it is over with quickly!

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I have finally started my blog and this is my first post!!!  Its taken me a while, I am excited and emotional cause today is the day I start my IVF treatment, its a special day. Its nearly 8pm which is the time I will be having my first injection. I have spent all day trying to figure out how to set my blog up, its been a slow process, not something I know much about. As much as I love sharing my journey on my Instagram account Nalintha_lala, blogging has been on my mind and am excited to have finally started to do it. I have so much more to share!!

I have spent years silently suffering from the stress and emotions of not being able to conceive, not even my family have known. I recently  plucked up the courage to tell them that I have been undergoing investigations by my doctor and specialist into why my hubby and I have not been able to conceive. Even though I have strong faith, I am a believer who believes in the best,   I have struggled with the disappointments and of never falling pregnant. My ever loving and supportive hubby has always told me he loves me no matter what, that I am all that he needs and with me he is content. I really do love him so much. We have been through a lot ,11 years together has had its ups and downs yet we have overcome and become stronger.

Have always known deep down that being a wife and mother is where my heart and passion lies. I love being a wife and long to be a mother. I adore children, and have longed for my own babies for years.

December last year I was finally told a laparoscopy would help my doctors know in which direction I should go as it was looking like assisted conception was needed. The laparoscopy revealed that I have endometriosis and had I subsequently had some surgery for.  So here I am today about to start my IVF cycle. IVF treatment is the best way to help me get pregnant due to the endometriosis which has prevented me from getting pregnant.

I am so grateful for the love and support of my family and friends. Above all I always put my trust in God as he is who I always lean and rely on. I have my peace of mind with my faith and this journey is only possible for me, with him…

Day 1 of IVF