Hope The Anchor of my Soul

Where hope is...

Where hope is…

We are half way through the year and my journey has brought me to a new found place, a deeper love, a stronger desire to lean on my faith, a peace that surpasses all things…

March saw my 40th birthday! I happily embraced it, and celebrated with my friends and family. We also had another Frozen Embryo transfer not long after, which sadly did not work. As we had no more frozen embryos it meant we would have to start a new fresh IVF cycle.  I had not lost hope and hubby and quickly jumped back on the IVF journey.

My doctor had a new protocol and new medications where to be added to this cycle to help my immune system and calm the Adenomyosis within the muscles of my womb. April we started down regulating with Buserelin injections. We where was back on track.

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As May approached we started stimming and looked forward to growing some follicles and eventually retrieving lots of eggs!

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We had 10 eggs retrieved and after fertilisation only 3 embryos survived to transfer day. I was quite sad as I had hoped we would have many to freeze. The embryologist told us that they could transfer 2 and unfortunately the 3rd one was not of grade quality to freeze. Hubby just smiled at me and assured me that we had all that we needed and not to worry. So the transfer of two beautiful Grade 1 embryos went ahead. We went home excited and I got cosy and warm to let them snuggle in.  I prayed and thanked god, and hoped for the best.

Now I had to wait.

The waiting this time seemed easier than the last 3 times. I was very relaxed, the hormones and injections did not bother me or effect me in any negative way. I had no obvious symptoms or feelings. I just hoped and prayed that they would implant and stay with me.

A few days in I started to get severe bloating which is one of the side effects of Progesterone, but also an early pregnancy symptom. I quite enjoyed the size of my belly bloat though, made me look about 3 months pregnant!

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My belly bloat

It got closer to my test date, I was so nervous as I had been there many times before! The waiting of your embryos to settle in and then having to take the test and seeing negative has always the most heart wrenching part of my IVF experiences.

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My test result was positive! I cried with happiness and called Danny at work. I was almost hysterical with laughter and crying at the same time. I could not believe what I was seeing..! He came home from work just to see the test himself, we praised God together and thanked him for our pregnancy.

I will never forget the the responses from both my mother and father as I called them both individually to tell them my good news. Their joy and excitement was something I had never heard in their voices before. We where all so happy.

My parents and Danny’s parents came over the next day to celebrate with us. My dad cuddled and kissed me. He held me tight and said he thought I should think about moving back closer to where mum and him lived so that he can help me and take care of me and our babies.

I have never been so happy…

I constantly sent messages to hubby, and I embraced this new found joy.

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I talked to god constantly, thanking him, asking him to protect my babies and knew I would enjoy every min of my pregnancy.

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Being Pregnant for the first time, the happiest I have ever been..

I shared my news with only my closest friends and family as I wanted to wait until my scan before I shared it with everyone. I have always wanted my IVF and fertility journey to be shared as I know many other women like me who go through this. We all need to find strength and hope to keep on going!

Not long after I shared my good news, my family and I dealt with sudden death of my beautiful father. My sister broke the news to me at 7am on fathers day! I was so saddened by the loss of darling daddy. I cried so much and felt a pain I had never felt before. The sadness hit me deep in my soul. He had had a massive heart attack. It was quick and he did not suffer at all.

My daddy was my everything. My love, my King.

My King RIP xx

My King RIP xx

Sadly I miscarried a few days later.

The last few weeks has stirred many emotions, my soul has been pulled in many directions.

Only my faith and relationship with God has kept me at peace, THE ANCHOR OF MY SOUL! I continue to hope and believe in good things.

The day I miscarried, hubby and I prayed together, we released our babies to God and thanked him, we trust him with our lives and know that our story is still unfolding.  We feel the peace and comfort from our faith. I have all the hope as I know I will get pregnant again.

My father was laid to rest just this weekend gone. His life was celebrated as over 400 people attended his funeral. He was a great great man. Who helped and changed the lives of many.

I am comforted by knowing he passed away a very happy man, who took with him my happy news! I believe my babies and him are all together right now, resting in heavenly peace.

I will continue to hope and never stop Believing…

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